(when i can’t fall in love )
written by:- Cristiana crisella
 Clay had just had dinner with her grandma
she was about to go her room.
”Clay i saw some of your drawings and it was all about Ciara, you were able to draw her perfectly
well”.Clay said nothing but smile which expose her
dimples, she look so cute while smiling. This the first time her grandma saw her smiling after
a very longtime.
yea grandma, i thought you’ll gonna have an
artist and also a fashion designer but Ciara
dreams eventually fade away she died with
unfilled dreams, gosh! i hate all men, am
murder anyone who will try that shit with
not gonna allow anyone kill me that way,
Ciara was too calm and quiet, that’s why
her silence as her weakness, i hate all men!
”calm down!, her grandma saw the anger
pains in her face, she really want Clay to get
over this but Clay wouldn’t listen.
”i need to sleep mom”, she said with a pale
and hurried to her room. She go through her
dairy and read it with tears, glancing through
Ciara’s picture make her shade so much
”i wish to have revenge your death myself,
would you ever have to leave me so soon”,
cried out her eyes and lie on her bed until
The next day at batasan hills high school
was at the art studio drawing, Irene has
know her place, is either she’s in the class
or at the art studio, so Irene went over to check on her.
”Whatsup babe”, Irene moved closer and sat
down on a chair next to her.
”my best artist ever!, i love your drawing”
”thanks”, Clay replied.
Just then Toby a tall handsome guy and
straight to Clay.who was busy with her
”Clay, we need to talk”, he said, but Clay was quiet still busy with her drawing she pretended
as if she wasn’t hearing what he’s saying. ”you can’t just ignored me like that”, Toby
in anger as he held back her pencil.
”what the hell did you want us to talk about”,
Clay asked already annoyed.
”i love you Clay, please don’t turn me down!
”love! did you just know the meaning of
huh? she yelled in anger.
”let go Clay before you lose your temper”,
quickly packed her drawing stuff and
her out of the studio.
They settled at the cafeteria to eat.
Clay was moody, she was very quiet as she
her food slowly, Irene has notice that
her behavior of all a sudden.
”Clay but why not give him a chance, i know
Toby to be cool and gentle guy”, Irene said
she quickly held her breathe and was
maybe a slap from Clay.
”i won’t be part and parcel of this, i hate all
be it whosoever they are”, Clay replied
”you don’t need to shout”, Irene said gently
she eyed her.
”you’ve just made me lost my appetite”,
dropped her fork and walked away in anger.
Irene wasn’t surprise by that she has always
know Clay to be like this, maybe she was
like this, a hot tempered person and quick to
anger person. You will hardly see Clay
Irene has always liked Ciara she was just so
different she loves smiling, and you hardly
her get angry. When Irene remembered the
time she had with Ciara tears drop from her
”Clay was always right, how could be people
so wicked, she wondered how could six
raped a fourteen year old girl to death and
from that pluck her eyes, where they
what! she really felt pity for Clay who has
said ”all men are wicked”.
It was Saturday Clay and her grandma
a very large plantation with some others
and at the end of the month were being
that always makes her remembered about
She was always hardworking, they would run
round the plantation and leave their
work, the will climb trees and pluck fruits,
was always good in climbing trees, after the
they will run to the river to wash their legs
before going back home.
Clay was still standing for about thirty
with tears streaming down her face as she
remembered those moments.
”Clay we need to work more harder it may
rain and we have much work to do”, her
said bringing her back to reality.
”okay grandma”, she replied as she bent
Not less than ten minutes it began to rained
heavily, Clay and her grandma were
but the quickly rushed back home.
Clay was done with the cooking and the had
their dinner together.
”i just need one favor form you Clay”, her
grandma said sounding so sad.
”what it grandma? she asked.
”don’t punish yourself because of the past,
let what happen in the past to ruined your
”so what actually did you mean by that?
”the fact that your sister was raped to death
six men, doesn’t mean all men are the
don’t want you to have that mentality”.
”really grandma! i hate it when anyone tell
this, all men are wicked, how could six men
raped a fourteen year old Ciara, tell me
aside from that her two eyes were plucked
this time Clay was in great anger she was
breathing heavily, tears drop from her eyes
walked out of her grandma and slammed he
>>At the Arnolds mansion>>
During weekend Clay will visit Irene at home
dawn. Irene was from a very rich family,
currently living with her mom while her elder
brother Leo lives in US with their dad. Irene
always being supportive to Clay financially.
Irene was busy chatting with her brother
using her laptop while Clay who was lying
her was busy playing video games with a
headphone connected to her ear.
Leo sent Irene most of his pictures and told
he will be coming soon.
”oh i miss my brother so much”, she grinned
she touched Clay who was still busy playing
”what? Clay almost shouted in anger. She
”what? she asked as she remove her
”it my brother Leo he’s coming back next
she laughed. ”these are some of his
she smiled showing her his photos.
”wow! he’s looking so good”.
”don’t tell me you have already fall for him?
”fall? never! so don’t be silly”, Clay lightly hit
”ok then let see”, she smiled.
Irene visited Clay at their house also, Clay
her to her room and offered her drink.
”this just a second art studio”, Irene
as she looked round her small room, the
walls was filled with Ciara paint pictures.
”i just remembered Ciara”, said Irene feeling so sad.
”sure! well let me check on the food just relax”,
Clay said a she rushed to check her food.
Irene took a second look of the room it was
small, occupied, the walls were occupied
Ciara photos, her eyes caught something on
table it was a huge book, at the top was
”The C’s Ciara&Clay”.
”this must be their dairy i guess”, she said
herself as she picked the book and go
”how can i ever forget 20th November, when
lost a half part of me(Ciara), Diary no more
celebrating birthdays. She opened the next
i hate all men, and thats why i hate all love
story!. Irene kept flipping through the pages
the book: To my irresponsible parent. You’re
and parcel of what happen to Ciara, maybe
were here with us that wouldn’t have
hate you so much, i wish you death
you’re because i will never accept you as
parents even when i get to know you. To
Irene opened the next page and was
what she read. She couldn’t believe Clay of
people will write that, immediately fear grip
Clay entered and saw her with the diary in
hand. This time Irene was already shaking
sweating already. The look on Clay face was
”how dare you open my dairy, it my secret
no one read it, and if anyone does it then
person must…, she yelled in great anger…